Running In Circles

Day 1: Exercise until you think you will die.

The gist of this is to physically produce serotonin which is a proven hormone contributing to the feeling of euphoria.

I have “a friend” right now who was just enlightened by his doctor of his decreased levels of serotonin in his body. He exercises regularly but is the world’s largest stress case. (Stress which, of course, consumes incredible amounts of serotonin.)

So a few days ago, when asking his help for something, he thought he was the world’s cleverest man in declaring, “you’re gobbling up my serotonin.”

I laughed. I hereby declare one of life’s tricky little goals is to surround ourselves with people who gobble less serotonin than one is making. I have two options. Make more serotonin. Eliminate gobblers. (Check & check.)

This morning with grey milky clouds coating the sky, it was looking like rain. I tied on my asics. “Hey they’re grey like the sky and my heart,” I amused myself. Then I charged the ipod shuffle. I love the shuffle. You load this tiny mp3 player and everything after that is a gamble.

I drove to the park where I love to run. I’ve easily calculated 3 laps to equal a mile many times before.

Hmph. I didn’t like pulling up to see the field filled with college boys playing football. That last thing I wanted was an audience on “exercise until you think you will die” day. I mean, on another Saturday where I’m in it for a mile or two, fine.

Yet my plan was until I puked or as close as I could get.

I started slow. The first lap, I would walk. I hit play. The song was Miley Cyrus. Am I embarrassed by this? Of course not. Do you know me at all? The problem was trying to move my feet beyond the pace of a casual lumber. Skip to next song.

Jay Sean. Perfect and I’m indeed ‘Down’. Still I was surprised how nervous I was with this audience. "Run already."

I thought I could bust this out like a bull ride. Out of the gate as explosive as possible. 8 seconds later I would throw up and call the task completed. What the hell was I thinking?

I finished lap two and supposed it was time to ante up. What happened next was perfect. It was the heavens smiling upon me. Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida” first beat dropped just as I lunged into my first real stride. “Hark! What force beckons me towards accomplishment?”

Well it took me about one minute to realize the summoner was Satan. The author of human suffereing and pain. Because this pace was way too fast for me and I was convinced I would get my bull riding moment after all.

“I can’t stop. These boys will see that I’m a third of the way through one lap and I need to walk. Oxygen. I need oxygen. What hurts more? My ego or my lungs? Oxygennnnnnn.”

I willed my fingers up to the shuffle. Skip. “Chris Brown. Too fast.” Skip. “Jason Derulo. Better but still too fast”. Skip. “David Archuleta ballad. Hell yes. This is my new running pace.”

If you want to know how long I made it in the battle of me versus my pituitary gland, the answer is I have no idea. I know I usually have a 2 mile wall and I know I went further than that.

I know upon my completion, my lungs burned and I could taste metallic blood in the back of my throat. I’m sure this was more from running in the dry 35 degree weather than the sheer distance. I know my face always gets red but today is was a peculiar shade of purple.

So here I sit. Day one completed. In both task and blog. But please, don’t make me laugh. Taking any sort of deep breath will rattle the phlegm I loosened in the depths of my lungs and spin me into a coughing fit as though I’ve come down with the bubonic plague.

I think I feel happier though?