Caught Up In Circles...

It’s back. The fidgety feeling I sporadically experience is back.

It’s been coming on for awhile but has evolved into a full force tidal wave emotion. I’d like to say I’m sitting on day 2 of homesickness (Marysickness?). It’s realistically more like month 8.

Oh the plight of a single girl. It’s amusing really.

In the corporate world, it’s rumored how preferential treatment is bestowed upon the married and the settled. My mind tries to convince me surely this must be a fallacy. Yet in this moment, I’d gamble on said type in a heartbeat over someone like me if I were management.

I feel the spirit of Sam Cooke has rested upon me in the mantra of “a change is gonna come.”

And why shouldn’t it? In a conversation once with a married adult (versus me, what? A single non-adult?), I was made to feel foolish, immature almost for the lifestyle I’ve been living since college graduation.

I’ve seen my share of moves and job changes. I’ve grown easily impatient at any given time of my present circumstance enough to impulsively alter it. So when said adult commented on the obviousness of my lifestyle and alluded to the fact it may be time for me to grow up and settle down, I felt embarrassed and inadequate. Childish even, as though I were being reprimanded for doing something wrong.

With another five years under my belt since that occasion, I’m now smart enough to retort, “I’m not you. I know nothing of the life you refer to. And perhaps my greatest advantage FOR ME is that I am not tied down… to any person, job, or city.”

Telling an enormously unsettled person to settle down is antiquated.

Tonight I comfortably positioned myself in the living room of a split level home of a dear friend. I nestled into a restful chair reading the latest People magazine while my friend snuggled into the couch opposite me. The window behind my shoulder as well as the door to the back deck were opened creating a cross breeze through the house.

The left over smell of grilled hamburgers and hot dogs wafted from the kitchen. I was calm with a tumbler full of milk and a stack of Oreos sitting on the window sill beside me. Below in the family room, a group congregated around the television playing Rock Band and their strains drifted up the stairs.

I paused in the middle of reading about Bristol's teen pregnancy to think about the book I had completed earlier in the day. A book which took me to a different place in a different world. I pondered upon the job I’ll return to first thing tomorrow morning, yet again. I reflected upon my current relationships and my mind lingered on one in particular. I gazed out the window and the sky blushed the first hue of pink.

Then it was back.

I should have felt content and satisfied. Instead I felt the opposite. Restless, edgy, and impetuous. I'm begging it passes.

I’m just saying... I’ve been HERE before, time after time.