Wear Sunscreen

I’m entirely dumbfounded right now at the power of the emotions which I am feeling.

I opened my myspace account to see I had received a friend invite from a boy I supposedly knew way back when; only I had little recollection of him. This is not the first time high school days have proven their NON impact on me. I don’t know if it was b/c of The Divorce or just my own personal late blooming which has all but erased any memory of those days on me.

I recalled vague things he had referenced and was honestly stunned he seemed to have more recollection of my past than I.

I perused his page and mostly caught my breath a little at the fact he held in his arms a baby. Was it his? I checked his status immediately to see he was single. As that means almost nothing these days, I looked for any type of tag for the picture. Upon further inspection I surmised by some of his remarks this was a picture of his nephew. I saw a few of him being cute with whom I assume to be his sister and found the recurring theme among his other family and friends.

I stared at pictures of him at Hershey Park and the beach. Two things which immediately transport me back to an unusually familiar time and place but a time and place with which any memories I DO keep are preserved perfectly complete with all 5 senses in tact. I saw that and smelled this. I heard that and felt this exactly.

I couldn’t stop gawking at his pictures and after rummaging through them all, went back a second time. This time instead of looking at the place and searching and attributing my own memories to them, I looked at this kid and tried to glimpse any insight into his life.

In so doing, I saw a man before me in a boy I once knew. And I was wholly turned on.

Baz Luhrmann once wrote “the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.”

Only very recently do I understand the absolute truth in this. There is a reason why most people die within 200 miles of the place they were born. I have grown and matured much over the years. I have formed wings to parallel the roots afforded me. Still there are certain truths which cannot be denied.

Anyone who is not looking to escape a very tortured or damaged past will inevitably find again the place they called home for the first 18 years of their life (provided it remained relatively similar in the instance of any moves).

I can’t stop looking at these pictures. I can’t figure out if it is them or if it is him I am gazing so deeply at. I feel myself searching for something and feeling so connected to a person I know nothing about. And I am astounded at the intensity with which I am doing it.