An Up-Swing!

The voice mail light on my work phone has been winking at me all day. I’ve considered it useless to check it any more than every half hour on the hour. I check and clear out the mail, return a call, and hang up only to see it is blinking again. My email inbox follows in similar suit.

Yet my spirit is completely full of late and I’m pretty sure the sun and some key players in my life have had something to do with my frequent smiling. A tribute to the good, the bad, and the foolish follows... in reverse.

The Foolish: I’m repeatedly astounded to see how sure I am I have learned a lesson, my lesson, and how quick I am to abandon the knowledge when first put to the test. A certain someone paced back into my life last week and with a once familiar kiss on the cheek, received a little encouragement from me to continue his presence in my existence.

Five days later, the words to an Angels and Airwaves song surfaced in my heart and true to the lyrics (repeated 17 times) “it hurts” seemed to be the order of the day on the emotional menu.

In the university town of P’s and F’s in which I reside, I willingly go ahead and award myself an F with a new and more aware resolve to pass that exam if ever there is a next time. Knowing our history, I’m pretty sure there will be.

The Bad: Change, this time in the friend front again. Yesterday gifted me an injurious taste in my mouth with regards to a few friends.

I awoke with a set weekly practice scheduled for the evening. The duration of the day changed the original agenda for the evening and with the agenda change, I took the opportunity to then change my agenda according to new opportunity.

I am miffed at the phone call I received from one of my friends whose thirty seconds of speech was to actually, on my time with my minutes, mock me condescendingly through the repetition of the sardonic rhetorical question, “really?”

She coldly hung up when I queried, “Is this the reason you called me?” Her blatant malice is noted. The practice is hereafter abandoned. A farewell is offered to what once was. (Reference my blog titled An Epoch to Remember… or Forget, paragraph 6.)

Other than that, my concerns are of little TRUE value in the game of life.

My sister has again taken to salutations addressed to me commencing with, “hi retard,” or “hey retard…?” I fear we are once more drifting apart as the “term of endearment” only rears its head when she is feeling anything less than completely comfortable. (Do you hear me? Stop calling me that, freak. LOL.)

I can’t seem to find the new Chris Brown Umbrella/Cinderella Remix anywhere, inclusive of iTunes who has really let me down on this one.

My apartment lease ends with the completion of this month. Moving is necessary evil to be dealt with once more (as I have chosen not to renew.) Time to start downsizing.

The Good: I have rarely felt as blessed in my life as I do presently while things NOT being as I would have them. Nonetheless, there is plenty to make me smile. I’ve taken to popcorn with chocolate (M&M’s or Andes mints) with… Fresca. My new beverage of choice. The combination makes me smile every time.

My brother in law relayed to me the answer my nephew gave when questioned as to his middle name. “Buttered Popcorn.” My nickname for the kid who many months ago greeted me with grubby buttery hands upon my arrival. I adore him and the fact he dons a superman ring these days is proof he is in qualification as one of my favorites.

My work environment is good. I’m still without the knowledge I wish I possessed to perform my job. I’m not fond that it takes me twice as long to do the work that others do with ease.

Yet I love the fact that the department dart board is adjacent to my work space. I frequently hear laughter and my whiteboard has become the score card for the game.

(I was the first to throw a bull’s eye last week and rejoicing left many explaining the uproar to various United States residents on the other side of the phone line across the country.)

I enjoy the people I work with immensely. They are a fresh change from their cookie cutter counters of the valley. I love watching and listening daily to find out insight into the minds of many like myself. The jokester supervisor. The brooding threesome. The silent. The family men. The family men who wish they were the bachelor. Ah, sweet reprieve.

Also, I’d be lying to say I wasn’t just peeing my pants in anticipation for the Ireland trip (all of the Emerald Isles really) I have coming up in September. I revere the friends who will be accompanying me. I feel more than financially able to make it everything I ever wanted it to be. Additionally, the fact that it will actually take place is a vast improvement from my last experience.

Finally, who would I be if I didn’t end today’s entry with more song lyrics? Again conscious my life is not as great as I desire it to be, my attitude is that of some Leonard Cohen stanzas.

And even [if] it all went wrong; I’ll stand before the Lord of song; with nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah.